Nama Retreat. Session 5
Bhakti Vijnana Goswami · Govardhan · 2024
Chapters
False ego as root of offenses
Ayantah Pradeshya Mamavachima Mamrastuktum Sanjay Vaya Killashakti Raswadamna Anyam Shahastacharana Shravanatva Gadim Pranana Mau Bhagavatam Swasyastuvishwasya kalah prasidha tam deantu buddani sivam mitodia manaschabadramba ja tatata doksha jadescha dam no mater Apiahitu Kim. So Hare Krishna.
This morning we were talking about the Three aspects of the false ego, which is our main enemy. Ahaṅkāra, the very strong and deeply rooted identification with the body and mind is the root cause of all offenses.
All offenses are coming from this self centered egoistic, egocentric mentality, which actually pushes us to think about ourselves during japa.
As it is said in this definition of the tenth offense, ahaṁ mameti Paramo, I and mine remain in the center of my consciousness. Even while I am chanting japa.
I always think what I will do, what I will do when this you know japa finally finished. You know, you already make plans how you will enjoy. Or you become very proud. You know, I'm chanting so nicely. You know.
Because you need to engage your ego. Your ego somehow or other has to be engaged in self-glorification. And therefore, kīrtanīya sadā hari doesn't happen.
The Sanskrit word kīrtanīya uh has a very interesting and important uh meaning. Kīrtanīya means uh who is being glorified.
The state which is described in the third verse of Shikshashtaka is the state of our consciousness when we finally, after so many years of practice, realized that the only one who should be glorified is Krishna.
Before that, we still were more or less hanging or clinging for the conception that you know there is somebody who should be glorified, and this somebody happened to be me.
So kīrtanīya means you finally realize, kīrtanīya sadā hari, you always understand that he is the constant object of my glorification. He should be glorified.
Kīrtanīya literally means should be. the one who should be glorified. And when you understand this, then very naturally you sing his glories, you chant about him, you talk about him, you think about him.
But before that, ahaṁ mameti, you think about yourself, about your plans for enjoyment, about your plans for proving everyone that you're very special. And if you're a very advanced devotee then you try to prove to God that you're very special. And work hard, you know, look at me, you know, how nicely I'm changing.
Isn't it nice?
Three functional manifestations of false ego
Anyway. So we were talking about three aspects of ego. Kartritva. The conception that I'm the doer, everything depends on me. And this is the most subtle and most difficult aspect of our consciousness, this pride.
I am the doer. I rely on myself, self-reliance. You know, we know this reliance is there in India. So you rely on yourself. You don't rely on God. You rely on yourself. This is kartritva. Kartritva. I'm the doer.
I'm successful, I'm this, I'm that, I will achieve success, I know what to do. So Karanatva is a little less problematic. I mean it's uh uh it's more gross. Kartritva is this sometimes hidden pride. I know.
I know I'm you know this I Karanatva this identification with the body and with the senses. It's basically my ability to interact with the world. I am very skillful.
I know how to see, I know how to, you know, I'm I I'm good at it. Like I was speaking with one disciple in New York and he he got totally uh entangled into this material life.
He moved uh to New York and he became, you know, uh he started taking drugs and something like this.
And I I started speaking with him, I'm asking what you're doing and how you're doing this and that and he said I am enjoying life and I'm good at it so So that's the idea.
You know, I'm enjoying my senses and I'm good at it. I know how to do it. So uh this identification with karana, with our senses, karanatva is uh is the second aspect.
And the grossest uh manifestation of it is karyatva when our ego becomes invested into the material things, Mamatha.
So, and because of this absorption in Ion Mind in this Ahama Meti Paramo, because of this conception, when we chant, we chant with offenses. We become offensive.
We don't have the proper respect and you know the inattentiveness comes from this and so many other offenses come from this. All offenses are coming from this little seed.
So, how to practically use, and we were talking about distortions of our perception, of our mechanism of perception of our consciousness and it's it's manifested
also in three ways according to the three aspects of false ego: that we don't feel that God is there, we don't we become lazy or we become distracted, and uh ultimately we become very disturbed.
We were talking about three kinds of illusions which we have due to this false ego.
Meaning and purpose of bhuta-shuddhi
So, knowing how it works, we will now try
to do some exercise which is given by Sivarama Swami in his his book The Living Name, where he gives different exercises. And uh this ex this particular exercise which he gives is is very important.
Actually, this is the exercise which every devotee has to do every day, if he's engaged in puja. Because you can only do puja to the deities if you are not this body.
You cannot do puja with this body because Krishna is not a body. He is not a material entity.
So you cannot enter into the altar or you cannot even interact with your home deities if you are in this conception that I am this body and I am this mind.
So before you have to do bhuta-suddhi. There's bhuta-suddhi, there are mantras of bhuta-suddhi, but because we don't understand Sanskrit, there are some English mantras for this bhuta-suddhi.
And bhuta-suddhi basically means the purification from bhutas. Bhutas means this mahat-tattva. The The uh uh you know the elements, the primordial elements from which our body is composed.
Uh so first we have to adopt the different identity, spiritual identity. And this exercise is about this. And it's very elaborate. There are how many steps? Many steps, eight steps.
We will not do all the eight steps because by the end of this exercise probably will be at midnight. But we will chant.
So before uh the idea is that we will do according to Sacandana Maharaj's uh uh guidance, with his guidance, we will uh do something. Uh and uh uh meditate in a certain way. Uh and then we chant for fifteen minutes. Okay?
So be prepared for changing session. But before we will do this bhūta-śuddhi. And basically bhūta-śuddhi means to find yourself.
What happens when we are acting, when we are actively involved with this matter, when we are doing this, when we're pushing and pulling and doing all kinds of
work, you know, naturally we have to think I am this body and I'm this mind. You know, it's very difficult. Of course, it's possible to act in this world if you don't think you are this body and this mind.
But it will be uh quickly noticeable that you're doing uh something and at the same time you know you're not this body and not this mind, you know. People will think you're a little crazy.
So we're constantly reinforcing our false identification with matter. But when the chanting comes, we really have to work hard to disidentify with the matter.
And the first step, the first point for this is to become the observer. We first have to scan our body. By scanning our body and by observing how we breathe, Sacandana Maharaj elaborately explains this.
This is the standard preparation for meditation because you know normally when we breathe Do you observe how you breathe? No, you just breathe. Why? Because you're the doer. You're not the observer.
Because you're the breather. I don't know if there is such English word or not. You're just doing it. Now you change your consciousness completely.
You start observing how you're breathing, and you understand it's not me who is breathing, it's my body who is breathing.
You're stepping out from your body and you're looking what is going on with your body, how you're breathing.
And by this Sakshitva, by this position of absorber, you already, first of all, immediately what you will feel and what you will notice that the mind will become much more peaceful, much more quiet.
You know, this energy, this passionate energy which is raging within the mind, uh, will calm down uh because uh it will not be fed uh by our spiritual energy of of the soul.
The soul is different, so of course, it will take some time before it calms down completely.
So, and then the essence of this meditation, guided meditation, which is given by Sachi-nandana Maharaja, is that you know by calming down your mind, uh taking the position of the observer.
Controlling role of heart and soul
You try to find yourself. You concentrate on the area of the heart. The heart actually is the controlling organ of our mind.
It's very interesting because usually, because we're all living in the mind, we think that the mind is the most important.
But even according to the modern science, there are connections with there are neural chains which are going on networks of neurons which are coming from the mind to the heart and which are coming from the heart to the mind.
But if we take hundred percent of this connection between mind and the heart. Uh what do you think?
How much is coming from the mind from the brain, sorry, not from the mind, from the brain to the heart, and how much is coming relatively speaking from heart to the brain.
Ninety percent is coming from the heart to the brain, and ten percent from the brain to the to the heart. So actually the brain in reality is completely controlled by the heart. Why? Because who is in the heart?
Soul is in the heart. Soul is in control. Soul is controlling everything. So 90% of there are efferent connections and you know descending and ascending connections. So 90% are ascending connections from heart to the brain.
And only 10% is the feedback mechanism from brain back to the heart. So the next step of this bhuta-shuddhi exercise of guided meditation is that you try to find yourself. And you try to chant from this space.
Upaniṣads says that there is a very special space within the heart, within the lotus of the heart, there is a transcendental space where the soul is situated.
It's a special area in the heart to which all the uh nadis are coming. Seventy uh actually, 10 main nadis are coming from the heart. And uh this ten main nadis uh are multiplied by ten and there are a hundred nadis.
They're like, you know, the there are different uh how you say branching out uh from this ten nadis. And then from this hundred nadis, seventy-two thousand nadis are coming from the heart.
So everything is controlled from the heart. We are there in the heart.
When somebody asks, uh you know, uh when you want to uh show that this is you, how you when you say this is I am, you you don't say I am this. You say I am this. Right?
You know, you naturally point out where you are, where you are situated in your heart. So that's the next, that will be this step of this guided meditation. You find this space, you find yourself.
And then from this space, from this location where you are, you try to chant not from the mind, not from the lips, but from the heart where you are. And let's see what happens. So that's what it is.
Physical posture and breathing exercise
And uh let's let's try to do this experiment. So let's do step number one. Bring your shoulders back and expand your chest. It's already impossible for some.
Anyway, so the first preparation for meditation is that you have to be erect. Because again, the position of your spine influences your mind functioning.
So if you are erect, if your body is tall and you're breathing nicely, it's important.
Then let's do this deep exhalation and inhalation, let's do a few deep breaths and absorb the breathing of uh of us. Let's do for a few seconds. Like in yoga studios they say, inhale, exhale.
I will not do this, so just do this inhale and exhale yourself. So take this position of observer. You are capable of absorbing your breathing. You are capable of absorbing your body.
It basically means that you are not your breathing, it means you are not the body. And you can observe your mind. You can take this neutral position and see how the mind behaves.
And by this freezing exercise, you calm down the mind. And then please try to concentrate in the area of the heart.
That's where you, jīva soul, are, they are in the heart and if you are sensitive enough you will be able to feel it.
Guided meditation on soul identity
This is where the energy of consciousness, of awareness, the ability of awareness is coming from. So now let's begin this meditation according to the book. Please close your eyes and follow me
saying I let everything in my life slowly and gently disappear. My relationships, job, projects, plans, and all that occupies my mind. I let them completely slip away. Because it really doesn't belong to me.
It's something external to me, the observer. I am now absolutely alone.
There is no one and nothing in my environment I am sitting in a solitary place near Govardhana. I have no memories, no thoughts of my life, just me and my breath.
I am absolutely alone, absolutely safe and absolutely present to whatever comes.
Now I concentrate on my heart space. This is where I, the eternal spiritual soul, part of the supreme, servant of Radha and Krishna, am situated.
It is my misfortune that I have been absent from that relationship and instead been wandering the world in the repeated cycle of births and deaths.
Helplessly I've identified with one material body after another, one dream life after another.
But now my fortune has turned. I met Srila Prabhupada through his books and his followers, and I have learned from him about my actual identity as a pure spirit.
I am a resident of the spiritual world, the kingdom of love. I am an individual. I've been inspired to take up the path of eternal loving service to their Lordships, Radha and Krishna. I will no longer ever be alone.
I know that there is only Radha and Krishna, no one else. By trying to concentrate on the heart, but trying to withdraw all our consciousness away from body and the mind.
And by understanding that I, the little spark of consciousness, always a part of the huge, immense, original fire of consciousness which is Krishna. And I always belong to Him.
And my relationship with Him is always the relationship of service.
By chanting his holy names, I will try to reestablish this relationship or submit myself rather to him. To him as his lost servant, who is eagerly waiting to meet him again.
So from this consciousness, let's try to chant the holy name of the Lord Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rāma Hare Rāma Hare Hare Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare
Explanation of the song Amara Jivana
Hare Hare Ram Hare Ram Ram Ram Hare Hare. So what we will do now, we are talking about the emotions of Sharanagati and tomorrow we will uh in the morning we will conclude this topic.
But today we will chant And one of the first songs from Śaraṇāgati by Śrīla Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura, Amāra Jīvanaṁ. I will ask our, uh, who will chant? Sharad. Okay. Sharad Bihari Prabhu from South Africa. We'll chant.
Uh, you need this harmonium? This is okay? Because this is this is good. You're okay?
But first let me the text will be projected on the screen, but first let me translate the song for those of you who may not understand Bengali.
This is the song from the first section of Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura's Śaraṇāgati, which is called Dainya. He starts, uh, from this, uh, feeling completely wretched. Dainya is coming from the word dīna.
Dina means fallen. And we have to be very clear, we're all fallen. Sometimes we may get very strange idea that yes, everyone is fallen but not me. But the very fact that you're in this material world means you're fallen.
It's a very you know 100% proof that you're fallen. Fallen means uh your spirit is corrupted. It's completely corrupted by the contact with matter.
And Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura sometimes people say, you know, he's a pure devotee, how he can say this about himself. Some people say that he's just pretending or he is trying to teach us how we should think.
No, no, he's not pretending. How you can say that pure devotee is pretending? He is speaking what is there in his heart. Because he understands that this is my situation.
Being the spirit soul, placed in this matter, I am doomed to do what I am doing. And therefore he says, Amara Jivana Sadaşa-pātaka. My whole life I was devoted to commit sinful activities.
It may be gross sins, it may be more subtle sins, but I'm attached to my self-sense enjoyment. Nāhi kena puṇyera leśa, I don't have even a drop of puṇya of piety.
Sometimes it is said, it is said in Bible that God is more happy when he sees somebody who is sinful and he is repenting than somebody who is very pious and proud. God doesn't like proud, pious people.
God God likes people who are real. And real people understand. I'm not so pure. Nāhi kena puṇyera leśa, I don't have even a drop of puṇya. And why? Because I always created some disturbance or anxiety to other people.
Did you create some disturbance to other people? Sometimes? Sometimes knowingly, sometimes unknowingly.
Sometimes you're just snoring and disturbing other people—para-udvega-dāyī, jīve kleśa—and, uh, I always dhyachy yakata dhyachi jivireklesha and uh I always uh was trying to create some inflict some suffering to other living entities.
I always created pain. You know, this is the first thing which we do when we appear in this world. What do we do? We inflict pain to our mother. This is what we do. Every one of us, no exception, unless you're Jesus Christ.
Nijasukalagi, Papinahi Dori Dayahinas Vartapara I'm always concerned with my own happiness, Nijasukalagi.
Papinahidari and I I don't hesitate to commit any sin, dieahina svartapara, and I don't have any mercy because I am self-centered, svartha, egoistic. I am only interested in my own artha, in my own interest.
Parasukyadukiya. And then when when I see somebody is very happy, I become sad, you know. How is it that he's so happy? And Sadamitya Basha, and I always speak lies. I always speak something which is not exactly true.
And paradukha sukha kara and when I see somebody is suffering I always feel yes he deserves it. Ashesha kama nahridi maja mawra In my heart there are so many desires, unlimited desires. Krowdiya, I'm always angry.
Dambaparayana, and I always pretend, I always try to show off something which I am not. I want to impress other people. I want to project some sort of image of myself which is not real.
Madam Atasada, and I'm always a little crazy because I'm uh uh I'm actually uh Madamans uh I'm intoxicated. I am intoxicated with pride. I always think about myself, how good I am.
Vishhaya Mohita, and I am bewildered by Vish by the sense gratification. Himsa Garvavi Bushana. And I have very beautiful decorations. Nice. Himsa and Garva. Garva means pride and himsa means. What? Something wrong.
Bhaktianu Kula Madra. I think you should sleep a little more. Yeah. Nidra Alasya Hata. I'm always uh sleeping, yeah. And I'm lazy, nidra and Alasya Hata. Sukarya virata. And uh uh I'm uh very slow when it comes to do
something good, but uh I'm good at not doing anything good. Akary akarje udyogyami. I'm uh very fit not to do anything. Very capable of not doing anything. Pratishtalagi and I always think I'm very special. Very special.
Satyacharana and in my behavior I'm always crooked. I'm I'm doing something Lobha hatasa dakami and I always want lobha. I want more and more and more uh to come to me. Yes. Next, next, next.
I hope it will not be like this when we will chant. It's good that we got one right. Huh? Yes. Yes, this one. And next six, yes. That's seven. Okay. That's it, okay.
Ah yeah I always associate with bad people and Sajanavarjata good people rejected me. Aparadini Rantara and I always uh create some offences. Subhakaryasunyaant uh I don't have any pious credits. Sadhanarthamana.
And uh uh Sadha Anarthamana, my mind is always filled with anarthas, filled with some unwanted things. Kāma, krodha, lobha, mada, moha, nānā duḥkha-jarācara. And among this, all of a sudden I, realized I became old.
I lived my life very happily doing all these things, and then all of a sudden a big surprise came. I am already old. My body is telling me that my life is coming to an end. Nanadukya jara jara.
And therefore when the jar, when this old age comes, I ripe the consequences of my life, nana do care. And therefore, usually when people live this kind of life their old age is very unfortunate. Nanadukya Jarachara.
And Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura concludes this song Vārdakya Yes, I came to this old age. I understand there is no Upaya, there is no means for salvation for me. I cannot really save myself because I'm already old and useless.
And I don't have any abilities.
And therefore, he says, Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura, kari' duḥkha-nivāraṇa. The only thing which I can do is to come to the lotus feet of my Lord and to tell him openly and honestly, this is what I did.
This is my uh my uh very sad story of my life, kari' duḥkha-nivāraṇa. So that's the bhajan which we will chant now with complete feeling of